


Stay, Stay, Stay

by doumekiss (Odd_Ellie)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28077702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_Ellie/pseuds/doumekiss
Summary: Jack brings Castiel back to life, which is great for Dean. But Castiel keeps ignoring Dean's prayers which is really, really, not great for Dean.Or Castiel ghosts Dean and Dean loses his freaking mind.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 40
Kudos: 234





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nymeria (Lungbarrow)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lungbarrow/gifts).



> English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes :)

It was Dean's opinion that having the boy he thought of as his son as God was too fucking weird, even for someone who had a very unusual life like him. Especially since Jack still looked like just... Jack. And he appeared at the end of his first week as God to have breakfast with him and Sam at the Bunker.

Dean was giving the rest of his bread and butter to Miracle, his dog, under the kitchen table without paying as much attention as Jack and Sam were discussing excitedly what the last week had been like for the boy. That is until he heard a familiar name in the middle of the conversation:

"... it has been complicated but Cas has been helping me a lot and when I have doubts on how to proceed I talk to him and he gives me advice" Jack said.

"What ?" Dean said.

"What ?" Jack said.

"When you say you talk to him, what does that mean, like you have doubts and you mentally think about him and what would he say?"

"No. I talk to him using my mouth and he answers using his mouth. Technically we can talk via telepathy but in general we prefer oral communication”

"Are you saying that he is alive?"

"Yes, I brought him back" Jack said as if it was no big deal.

“Oh. Okay” Dean said, still trying to process the news.

"More than okay, this is great!" Sam said.

“Yes, he looked quite surprised. He really thought he was going to stay in The Empty forever”

"When ?" Dean said.

"What ?"

"When did you bring him back?"

"Seven days ago, it was one of the first things I did" Jack said and looked at him like it was a stupid question.

"He didn't show up here"

“He's helping me to rebuild heaven, it's a lot of work, I'm sure he'll be here soon”

Dean's first instinct was to immediately pray at the kitchen table for Castiel to appear. But he hesitated, due to their last conversation and everything Castiel had said he decided it would be better if they were alone for that conversation.

He waited until Jack left and Sam went to do whatever he was going to do that day and went to his room.

He took a deep breath and started to pray.

“Hi Cas. I hope you can hear me, Jack told me that he brought you back. I guess that having a mega powerful child has its advantages. So come here please, we need to talk ”

He expected to hear the typical "Hello Dean" behind him immediately.

But that did not happen.

"Come on Cas, show up don't be an asshole"

Nothing. 

“Alright, I guess you must be busy, I waited a week, I can wait a little longer. See you later?"

Castiel did not appear that day.

Or the next day.

And not even on the day that came after that.


	2. Two

Three weeks passed since they defeated Chuck and saved the world. Three weeks since Jack had brought Castiel back. Three weeks without Castiel showing up.

And that was the first day since Dean had been informed of his return that he hadn’t prayed to Castiel. Or at least it would be if he managed to hold on until midnight.

He had made a resolution to do this on other days but before the clock struck midnight he always fell into temptation, even with his expectation of getting the answer he wanted was getting smaller and smaller each day.

During the day it had been easier, he had been busy packing and doing some additional research for a new case that Sam found upstate. But now lying in his bed he wanted to do it.

And he thought it was ridiculous to be so tempted to do something that in the end just made him feel bad. This business of praying every night and receiving no response, reminded him too much of purgatory, only now there was no concern that there were monsters that had caught Cas and were keeping him somewhere Dean couldn’t find, but there was no relief either. Because now it just felt pathetic, as if he was some guy sending a thousand texts to a girl he was into and not getting any messages back and still not being able to stop leaving messages.

Sometimes in these prayers he was casual, talking about his day, his dog, something stupid that Sam had said while they were watching television. But more often than not his prayers were angry, with him asking Cas to just show up already, that there was no way for him to be so busy to stop there for five minutes and say hi, especially if who was asking was the man that according to what he had said, he loved. 

That stupid word that changed everything. 

Dean had thought of two possibilities to explain how that word was the cause for Castiel’s absence. The first was based on something that Castiel had said, that he had learned how to love by watching Dean And love, especially that kind of love, for him was so mixed with things like shame and guilt.

_ You gave internalized homophobia to an angel, really Winchester you are a piece of shit  _ Dean thought.

That was the theory that made the most sense. But there was the theory that maybe the things Castiel had said to him, just weren't true anymore, he was sure Cas had told the truth at the time but maybe it was one of those situations where you think about something a lot but only when you say the words out loud you realize how stupid they really are.That he was as good as Castiel said he was, that he deserved that love, that meeting him was a good thing.

_ Stop it. Just stop it. The guy died for you. And it's Cas, he wouldn't change his mind so fast, not about something like that _ he said to himself, just to hear the part of him that existed long before he even met Cas, say: _ If he really loves you he would be here, if he really loves you he would stay. _

He turned and saw the clock had struck midnight three minutes before. He had succeeded, a whole day without trying to talk to Castiel and it felt like a lame victory without any reward.

He pulled up a blanket to try to sleep, and he said:

“Hi Cas. Hm... Sam and I are going on a hunt for the next few days. There are rumors of some weird apparitions happening upstate. It seems like an easy job. I'm telling you this in case you want to stop by and go to your room and pick up your stuff without risking seeing me...anyway good night ”

He closed his eyes, for the first time without any expectation of hearing Castiel's voice after praying. 


	3. Three

The case that Dean and Sam had gone to investigate was resolved relatively quickly, a bit too quickly for Dean's taste, he was hoping hunting would distract him from everything.

Now he was driving home, not thinking about much just focusing on the steering wheel under his hands and the landscape around him. It was a moment of almost perfect peace and serenity, it had been a long time since he had one of those.

But it didn't last because Sam decided it was the perfect time to say:

"It's kind of weird that Cas hasn't shown up at Bunker yet, right?"

"You think ?" Dean said.

Sam decided to ignore the sarcasm in Dean's voice.

"Yeah, I do. Do you think he is angry with us for some reason? ”

"Not with you. The problem is not you, it’s me, alright? He doesn't want to see me”

Sam laughed.

Dean remained serious.

"I...Dean be rational, it's Cas, of course he wants to see you"

Dean looked at him angrily and between clenched teeth said:

"If he wanted he would be here"

"Dean stop the car"

"Why ?"

"Because you are kinda emotional and I think we should talk about it, and I am afraid that you will end up crashing the car if we do this while you are driving"

"Or you could just shut the fuck up and let me drive in peace"

"I won’t do that"

Dean rolled his eyes and parked the car by the side of the road.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are the most annoying person that ever existed?" Dean asked.

"Yes, you. Now, why do you think Cas doesn't want to see you? ”

"I don't know, Sammy, because he hasn't come to the Bunker once since he came back?"

"But you said that you think the problem was you specifically that he was avoiding you"

Dean avoided his eyes for a moment and said:

"Okay, something happened right before he died"

"What ?"

Dean took a deep breath. 

"He told me he loved me"

He looked at Sam hoping to find surprise but there was no sign of it on his brother's face, thinking that maybe Sam didn't understand he continued:

"Not in a 'Hey bro I love you' platonic way, he made it very clear that he was talking romantically"

Still no sign of surprise on Sam's face.

"And after he said that, what did you say?" Sam asked.

“Nothing, I was too shocked to say anything, I had no idea that he felt that way. I never even suspected ”

And now, just now, Sam looked shocked. Truly shocked, completely speechless.

"What ?" Dean said.

"I...how could you not know? Dude some of the things he did for you over the years”

"Maybe now in retrospect you can see that this was perhaps his motivation, but while it was happening it was all very ambiguous"

"Trust me, it wasn’t ambiguous, for anyone"

"Are you saying that you already knew?"

"Yes, me and everyone, except you apparently"

"If you knew why the hell didn't you tell me ?!"

"I tried to mention a few times but you always got so defensive"

"I got defensive because you were making fun of me, you were clearly doing it just to have some laughs at my expense!"

“I… I’m sorry okay? Maybe I should have tried to talk to you in a different way”

“Yes, you fucking should have. If I knew, I- ”Dean started but stopped when he realized that he didn't know how to end that sentence, that thought.

After a few seconds of silence Sam asked:

"What would you have done if I told you?"

“I don't know, but it would have been different. And if he was a real person, maybe I would have suspected he felt that way, I'm not stupid, okay? But since he is an angel, I didn't even think he had the ability to feel things like that, alright? ”

"Dean, he is a real person, Cas may not be human and be different from us in some ways but I never saw any evidence that this was any different for him"

“Fine, maybe I'm stupid. Congratulations Sam, you know everything and I know nothing, you won. Can we finish this conversation now? ”

"No, because what you said doesn't explain why you think he's angry with you, maybe you could pray to him and ask him to show up, perhaps he thinks you don't really want to see him"

“What do you think I have been doing every night for the past month? He knows I want to see him”

“Oh. Okay. Do you want me to talk to him for you? ”

“Yes Sam, I would love that, you can hand him a little note from me saying ‘Do you still like me?’ With three boxes for him to check with yes, no or maybe. Wouldn’t that be cute ? No Sam! This is my problem and you are not going to get in the middle of it”

"Okay" Sam said, but it didn't sound very convincing.

"Can I go back to driving now?"

"If you want to"

"Asshole" Dean said.

After a few minutes back on the road Sam said:

"So when Cas shows up-"

"If he shows up"

"Anyway, do you know what you're going to say to him?"

Dean ignored the question and continued driving.


	4. Four

Dean decided to spend most of the following week in his room, there were two main reasons for that and both had to do with Sam.

His brother was still trying to talk about the things he said in the car while they were driving home. He didn't even stop when Eileen arrived to spend a few days with him. Which led him to the second reason, Sam was acting kind of weird around her, he wasn’t getting as close to her as he usually did or looking at her as if she had put stars in the sky, initially Dean thought that maybe they were having problems, but then he went into the kitchen one day and saw them smiling and being cutesy before they saw him and moving away from each other when they noticed his presence and realized what was really happening.

_Sam isn't allowing himself to be all lovey-dovey with his girlfriend because he doesn't want to rub his relationship in my face while my love life is a trash can on fire. Great._

What was stupid because it wasn’t as if he was a envious little bitch who couldn’t stand to see someone else happy, he even thought of go tell that to Sam but thinking that this would lead to another feelings conversation so he decided better not. And he was okay, as okay as he could be at least, he had Miracle and a lot of late Dr. Sexy episodes to catch up. And he had spent a total of three days without praying to Castiel, and he thought that maybe he could even make it to four. 

.

.

.

It was Dean's opinion that Dr. Sexy had dropped a lot in quality over the years, there was a reason he stopped seeing the series every week as soon as the new episodes came out and just binge watched a bunch of episodes when he had time to waste. But there were still some interesting arcs from time to time, like that of Dr. Ellen hallucinating that Dr. Ramon was still alive was very good, especially since it was not clear that this was what was happening initially to the audience, he only appeared in scenes with Dr. Ellen and was mentioned by her to others, only to have the revelation in the season finale that he was dead all along. 

It was thinking about this plot that it occurred to him that maybe something similar was happening in his life. After all, the only person who had said he saw Castiel alive was Jack.

Maybe all that power was making the boy insane. Perhaps Cas was still in the empty.

And suddenly all the irritation and frustration he had been feeling for the past month was replaced by that horrible grief the first week after he thought Cas was dead.

There was a knock on the door.

He thought it would be Sam playing mother hen asking if he wanted to eat something, but the person he found on the other side of the door was Jack.

"Hey Dean" Jack said smiling.

"Hey" he said and pulled the boy into a hug "What are you doing here?"

"I came to visit, Sam and Eileen said that this new bowling alley opened up nearby and they asked me if I would like to go play and then go for ice cream with them, do you want to go with us?"

"Not today, I don't feel like going out"

"Sam said you are spending too much time in your room, I think he is worried about you"

"Sam should take care of his own life"

“You are an important part of Sam's life, you are an important part of all of our lives. If you are unhappy it matters to us ”

He looked at Jack's face, so sweet, direct and honest.

So much like the angel he called his father that it made something inside Dean ache.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?"

“Yes, but you go and try to have fun. Okay?"

"Okay"

Dean spent the next few hours debating with himself about what he should do when they returned, if Jack could believe that Castiel was alive it seemed cruel to take that away from him, but given all the power he had, allow him to continue believing an illusion was potentially dangerous. And if Castiel was dead, he deserved to be missed by those who loved him most.

Dean left his room and went to the one that belonged to Castiel and lay on his bed for hours until he heard the sound of the others coming back. Then he wiped the tears of his eyes with the back of his hand, and went to the living room to find them.

For a moment he just watched them, the three half talking out loud and half doing ASL signs obviously excitedly about something. They only stopped when they noticed him watching them.

He realised he probably was looking like shit because they all suddenly looked worried. 

"Did something happen Dean?" Jack asked. 

"Yes, Jack please sit"

"Okay" Jack said going to the couch.

Dean sat next to him. Sam and Eileen remained there, also looking at him with concern.

"Jack, the thing is, I think you might be hallucinating"

“Hm, I don't think that is possible. Why do you think that?"

“Cas, he didn't show up here. And I prayed for him to appear a lot of times, basically this entire month. And you are the only person who saw him, I think that maybe you are seeing what you want to see, and I understand but- ”

"But I'm not the only person who saw him, he was with us until about five minutes ago, right?" Jack said looking at Sam and Eileen looking for confirmation.

Eileen nodded and Sam said:

"Yeah, he spent the last few hours with us"

"What?" Dean said.

"We wanted to play teams, and since you weren't there, we needed one more person so we called him ”Jack said.

“You are saying that you called him and he showed up. And that when I was here thinking that he was dead and that you were going crazy, the whole time he was basically around the corner bowling with you guys? ”

"Not all the time, we also went for ice cream afterwards" Jack said.

"Jack, I don't think that helps" Eileen said.

“It really fucking doesn't. Where is he now?" Dean said.

"He said he was going to go back to heaven"

This time Dean decided not to wait until Jack left, he marched to his room, locked the door and said:

“Cas you bastard! Show up here right now! I’m not asking anymore, I swear that if you don’t show up now I’m going to throw myself off a building so I can go to heaven and find you there”

"That’s not funny," Castiel's said behind him.

 _It wasn’t joke_ Dean thought of saying.

Dean turned around and saw the face of the man, the angel, who loved him.

"Hi Cas"

"Hello Dean"


	5. Five

For a moment they just looked at each other.

Over the past month Dean had spent a lot of time thinking about what he would say when Castiel showed up. Even rehearsed a little in his head. But now all the carefully chosen words seemed to have escaped his mind.

With that being the case he just said the first thing that popped into his head.

“So I need to threaten suicide for you to come and see me? Is that where we are? ”

“Actually, I was already planning to come here today. Earlier your brother told me that he is concerned about your behavior over the past few weeks and he thinks that my absence is the cause ”

A part of him was kind of annoyed that Sam got in the middle of after Dean explicitly asked him not to do that, but he couldn't seem to be able to get too angry when it apparently worked.

“Why didn't you come here when you came back? Or the hundred times that I prayed asking you to show up? ”

"I've been busy"

"Bullshit"

“I assure you that I have done many things. Jack often requires my assistance ”

"Like for being in a bowling team with him?"

"The teams were me and Sam against Jack and Eileen"

“Who teamed up with who is not the point here Cas”

Castiel sat on the bed, he looked tense and uncomfortable. But most of all he looked tired. Almost as tired as Dean felt.

“I never imagined this part Dean, of what would come after I told you. I needed a little time to decide how to proceed ”

"Sure ‘cause your opinion is the only one that matters here, right?"

“That’s not what I am saying. I think it is possible for me not to let my feelings for you affect our friendship. But if dealing with me makes you uncomfortable, you don't need to see me anymore ”

Dean stopped for a few seconds trying to process what he had just heard.

"Do you really think I spent the last month calling you again and again begging you to show up just to reject you in person and then say that I never want to see you again?"

"It was a worse case scenario situation, but sometimes the worst case scenario happens”

Dean rolled his eyes.

A part of him was irritated and embarrassed that Castiel even thought that was a possibility. But he was also somewhat relieved to know that in the past month, the feelings Cas had talked about had not gone away.

"You are unbelievable sometimes"

“I could say the same thing about you, I already know your answer, I made it very clear that I don't expect reciprocity. Your insistence on telling me in person is strange and irrational”

“Oh you know? Of course, you do because you know everything without even having to ask me anything or talk about it”

"Is that sarcasm?"

"Of course it is. You know what Cas: I am the only person living inside my head, and I know a lot more than you do when it comes to what I think and what I feel. You don't know everything there is to know about me, you know almost nothing”

“You’re wrong, I know you very well. I literally held your soul in my hands, I remade your body and then I spent more than a decade in your company” Castiel said, looking indignant.

“Maybe in some ways. You shouldn't assume that you know everything. And in this specific case, many of the things you thought you knew were wrong ”

"What exactly ?"

“For example  _ ‘What I want is something I can’t have’ _ , dammit Cas if I’m what you want you can have me”

Castiel said nothing, he just stood there looking at Dean seeming confused. Dean sat next to him on the bed, their shoulders touching. And when Castiel continued without saying anything, Dean continued:

"You could have had me for quite some time now"

He put his hand on Castiel's face, his fingers slowly caressing the skin underneath, it wasn't the first time he did this, but it was the first time he did it without Castiel being hurt or unconscious or both. A part of him still didn't quite believe that this was something he could do, something he was allowed to want. 

Castiel looked even more confused, but now there was something different mixed with the doubt in his eyes. Dean was almost sure it was hope.

"Dean I understand that you are grateful for my sacrifice, but I don't expect anything from you"

Two things became very clear at that moment. The first was that Dean was in love with an idiot. The second was that words, although necessary, would not be enough to make the idiot in question really get what he was saying.

"Cas, I do feel grateful for so much of the shit you did for me, but I'm not doing this out of gratitude"

His gaze left Castiel's eyes and landed on his lips, and with this act came the same want as always, and this time, for the first time, he decided to make that want be followed by action.

He kissed Castiel. Slowly, but with hunger. His lips parting his, to feel his tongue. His hands, one on Castiel’s neck holding him in place, the other on Castiel’s cheek. Gradually feeling him relax.

Dean only stopped kissing him when he needed to catch his breath, but still keeping his face close enough to be able to feel the angel's breath against his skin. He thought it was impossible for Castiel to be kissed like that and still have doubts that Dean wanted him too, but considering their background, Dean decided to say:

“Just don't assume things alright? Damn Cas just ask me what I want. I know I wasn’t always honest with you but I’ll try to be, okay? ”

"Okay. Dean what do you want? ”

"I want you to stay. Please. Just stay here. Stay with me. Cas, I spent the last twelve years of my life trying not to be in love with you and not only it didn’t work but it also left me exhausted, I'm so tired man, I'm tired of trying to fight this and I'm tired of missing you. And I could handle before when I thought it was just me, but now that I know it's not, it's become unbearable. If you love me don't show that to me by making some idiotic sacrifice, if you love me stay with me. That's what I want ”

Castiel smiled at him, and this time he kissed Dean first. This second kiss was shorter, lighter. If the first kiss took his breath away, that second made Dean feel as if something inside his chest suddenly felt less heavy, as if he could finally breathe in peace.

"So are you going to stay?" Dean asked.

"Yes, I think I will"

And he did.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it folks, maybe I will write a few bonus chapters for this one but the main plot is over. This fic was very fun to write and I hope you guys liked to read it as well.   
> Thanks for everyone that read and commented ^_^


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